Monday, July 12, 2010

Is she the one?

I am 28, male, software engineer from Gujarat, India. It was recently when I gave in for marriage after resisting it for years and my parents started searching a girl for me, and as expected within a few weeks they fixed my meeting with this girl who was, according to my parents, a good wife material. My parents were really impressed with her and they were repeatedly saying “the girl is very beautiful” but is it just the beauty you look for in your life partner? I knew there is a lot more one wants. So like any other educated, wise man I decided to spend some time with this girl to know her better and then take the most important decision of my life.

People who don’t know much about Indian culture and the way matrimonial things work here. Here is some insight. It is being considered taboo if you are above 25-26 and still single (however this trend is changing these days thanks to the youngsters like me). We still have a system of arrange marriages, our family looks for the suitable boy/girl, once they find someone appropriate, they usually fix the meeting of potential bride-groom and leave the final decision to them but some families don’t even allow boy and girl to meet before marriage, and the family only takes the final decision.

I could just thank the god as my family falls in former one. People from western countries may find it absurd but that’s the way things work here.

After plenty of efforts, my dad managed to get one hour of time from the girl’s family. Being a rebel I protested as I knew one hour would not be enough but eventually my parents convinced me and I decided to just go with the flow, as somewhere back in mind I knew that I always have an option of saying “No” for the marriage after meeting.

I hated the idea of girl and a boy getting very little time to know each other and decide in a single day whether they want to marry or not... I was supposed to meet this girl for few minutes and I had to tell my decision in “Yes” or “No” for the marriage.

I clearly remember that day, It had been a while I was waiting for her, dressed in my best casuals at a famous coffee house in town. My eyes were switching occasionally between the entrance and the wall clock, and whenever any good looking girl entered I stared at her expecting her to be the one I am waiting for.

After few minutes a girl in maroon top and blue jeans entered, she quickly ran her eyes at all the tables there and stopped at me, she came closer and bit nervously uttered my name "Ritesh?”. I nodded. "Hi, I am Dolly", she said while extending her hand to me.

"Hi", I said while grabbing her hand and trying to be as polite as I could.

I had a careful look at the wall clock, making sure she doesn't notice me while I am noticing the time. I don’t like late comers and she was 20-25 minutes late. It was a big turn off.

Before I could say anything, she said "Sorry for being late, actually I got stuck in traffic.”.

"That’s okay." I said.

She settled down on a chair, "Would you like to have something?" I asked trying to be a good host as I was there in that coffee shop for more than last 30 minutes.

"Coffee would be okay." she said after a brief pause. I called the waiter and ordered two coffees.

I must say she was good looking and her maroon top was also looking good on her. “She must have got late in getting ready”, I thought, as we hardly get any traffic in town over weekends.

“So how did you recognize me?” I asked being bit surprised and also trying to start the conversation.

“Oh! Your Mom showed us your picture few days back. Usually I am not good at remembering faces but I guess this time the face was good so it wasn’t difficult to spot you.” She said with an average smile.

“Is she flirting?” A thought crossed my mind. We were meeting to decide if we are good enough for each other that too with the permission of our parents. We sure had a license to flirt and she had already started using it.

“That’s a compliment. Thanks.” I said with a big smile and red face.

We kept on talking and after beating around some bush I came to the point, “So what kind of a guy you are looking for?” I asked..

She smiled “Good looking, smart, intelligent, witty, responsible, financially secure, loving, sharing and caring, and someone who respects women.” She said very calmly. “Is she really talking about some kind of a guy or she is looking for a Superman?” Again a thought crossed my mind.

“Hmm, that sounds very bookish”, I said.

She raised her eyebrows, giving me I-mean-it kind of a look and said. “I know you don’t always get everything in life but this is what I am looking for, everyone makes compromises in life, when my time would come probably I would do the same.”
I smiled at her.

“And what kind of a girl you are looking for?” She asked.

I had no idea what should be my reply as I was already confused about this whole idea of arrange marriage. “I think there is no definition of a right girl, because you never know for what reason, where, when and how you would end up liking someone.” I seriously prayed to the god so that this answer could make some sense to her. She nodded reluctantly as if she was still trying to figure it out.

We continued talking about our life styles, social circle, habits, likes and dislikes and we didn’t realize how those couple of hours passed. “I think I should leave now, it’s been two hours.” She said with her million dollar smile.

She was leaving, “Hell! I hardly know anything about her. The amount of time we have spent together is just not enough”. I said it to my soul.

“Don’t you think we should meet again? Couple of hours is not just enough to know each other.” I said.

“I wish we could, but you know how things work in our families.” She said.

“Yeah I know and it looks very impossible to me to take some decision based on this two hour meeting.” I said in a matter of fact tone.

“I understand and there are many people like us who find it difficult or impossible to take this crucial decision of their life. And trust me it’s very normal. Whatever you decide, just be hundred percent sure about that else don’t go for it”. She was still smiling and she was still looking very beautiful.

We bid goodbye to each other. We both knew as soon as we would reach home we had to tell our decision to our parents. Thoughts were playing soccer in my mind while I was driving back home. I had a good time with her I had no doubt about it but marriage. I felt saying “Yes” for the marriage would be like rushing into the things and on top of it all, her last words, “Be hundred percent sure else don’t go for it” were hammering in my mind.

I didn’t realize when I reached home. Very soon I was surrounded by my family, everyone was curious to know if we liked each other. I was silent as I didn’t know what to speak. After plenty of grilling I told them about the confused state of my mind. “I think the girl is just perfect for you.” said my Mom. “Yeah she would be just perfect for you” echoed my sister. And before I could blink my eyes, they all were convincing me.

There was no way I could give in front of them. I got up and started climbing the stairs towards my room. “What should we tell them?” asked my Mom.

“I don’t know. I am confused.” I replied while closing the door of my room.

“But we have to tell them something.” She shouted as her voice trailed off and those were the last few words I heard that night.. After closing the door, I hit the bed without changing into my night clothes and went to sound sleep.

It’s been close to eight months now. Today I look back in retrospect, get amuse and still think it was a difficult decision for me to make. No doubts things are looking good now in my life, but memories of that day is still fresh in my mind and probably it would always remain the same because one never forgets his very first date with his beloved wife.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Why do people cheat or dont cheat on their partner?

It all started with a weird (or I may call It wonderful) dream a close friend of mine had around a week back. He told me immediately the next morning that he saw himself resisting on his own bed to two of his female colleagues in an unacceptable condition (at least for his wife). So what is the big deal, it’s common for guys to see such things in dream - I said. “Yeah, it is but how many guys out there would tell this dream to their wives?” he said.

No marks for guessing, he narrated this dream to his wife.

“WHAT? I screamed, “So, how she took it?” “She was fine, didn’t react but in the end she asked me a question, if you ever get a full proof chance, would you cheat on me?” He said. “And what was your reply?” I asked with full curiosity and smile on my face. “Of course I would not, I mean if I was not ready to do this even in my dream forget about reality” he continued with his calm voice “but she said I don’t trust you. And I am finding it disappointing.”
“But I hope you know whose fault is this?” I said. “Yeah, I know it’s me I should have not told her anything about the dream at the first place”. We had a laugh on it and went back to our work.

However, it gave me some food for thought. What makes one not cheat on his/her partner despite of knowing the fact that their partner would never come to know about the entire episode? I think it is undoubtedly a true love between two individuals.

There are very few people out there who would not get indulge with someone else being in a committed relationship and it is also true that there are very few people out there who find true love in their life. Conscience of the people who genuinely feel that they are blessed to find their partner, who believe there is no one better out there would never cheat, no matter what or I should say they would never feel a need to cheat because they are so happy with what life has given them.

It can be subjective at times because more often we hear an argument like, “We all are humans, and humans make mistake”. What if, your partner loves you a lot but has cheated on you just once. Would you able to forgive him/her? This was exactly the questions one anchor was asking on a talk show some time back in television. And to my surprise over 90% of people on the show including men and women said, they would forgive their partner if they are assured it would not happen again and he/she is really repenting.

This debate is never ending very relationship is unique and every situation in it can have many permutations and combination. I have personally witnessed people full of misery and pain when they find out about the infidelity of their partner. A word of advice, in a situation like this, It is you who should take a final decision rather than leaving the matter to friends or family to decide, because no one can judge your relationship and emotions better than you and even if down the line you realize that you took a wrong decision, you would not be blaming someone else for it.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Clothing in India

Ever since the evolution of mankind, clothing has become an essential part of our lifestyle. In the beginning of civilization caveman’s were use to wear leafs to cover the part below their waist. We have certainly come a long way since then, today in India fashion changes every fortnight. In the journey of clothes revolution this country has seen incidents like non-cooperation movement when India was under the British rule, people started boycotting England made clothes as they had no contribution in the personal growth of their fellow Indians. People who were unemployed started wearing and selling hand spun clothes like Khadi which gave many Indian their bread then. The chronicles of clothing culture in India on the one hand shows the variety and richness it possess and on the other hand it portrays our fascination towards western culture.

King Holkar of Indore, Madhya Pradesh, India

Whether it is an attire of Kings and Queens of India or the common man next door, it has evolved over the time and it has always been depended on the culture and location. Several decades ago Dhoti was popular clothing line for men, which is gradually becoming obsolete and these days in limited to rural parts of India, however few Indian clothing like Saare for women and Kurta of men has been tested through the times and are still around in cities and villages. The fabric, look and feel in all clothing has see major changes in last couple of centuries in all most all clothing styles whether it is Dhoti, Lungi or Kurta for men or Saare or the salwar kameez and also Ghaghra Cholis for women.

This painting by Raja Ravi Varma depicts several traditional styles of draping the sari.

In Bombay the fashion capital of India or any other cosmopolitan city, youngsters and middle aged to older people can be seen dressed casually in Jeans, T-Shirts and Shirts. Specifically Jeans has gained major popularity in past two decades and has been constantly in fashion in some form or other like baggy, tight fit and parallel. These days many youngsters can be seen wearing low waist jeans. Due to its durable and rough usage it is extremely popular among the youth of India.

College going students of India.

Office going people are suppose to be in formal attire, half a century back that would mean wearing Khadi at work place, however today’s era that would be trouser and shirt for men and salwar kameez, saare or western formals i.e. trouser and mini skirt for girls. Many organizations today let their employee wear casual for a single day usually at weekends to make their work place lively. There are also some organizations which does not impose any clothing restriction on their employees to boost the morale of their employees like call centers and back offices, usually in these organizations there is no face to face interaction with customers.

Marriages in India are supposed to be very colorful occasion and it truly reflects in the bride and grooms clothing. This is one form of clothing which has not see much change over past many centuries. Brides usually wear Saare in the shade of maroon, pink and red with heavy jewelry around neck and grooms wear Sherwani or Kurta (usually made of silk). The kind of hand weaving work we see on the dresses of bride and groom is usually very expensive due to its nature which requires lots of labor work and stark attention for its grace and finishing. This kind of hand weaving is work is also very popular in western countries.

Clothing in India has evolved from its tradition wear to England made western wear and then from Gandhi’s Khadi to the today’s branded stuff of multinational companies.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Premonitions and Precognitions

Has it even happened with you that you foresaw in dream someone in your society or you’re some relative or your favorite celebrity is going to expire, and unfortunately when it actually comes true, you tell your friends and relatives in amazement about seeing it coming in advance? If not this then, any other bitter incident which you felt or saw beforehand, actually happened? We all experience this in our day to day life. Have you ever given it a thought what makes us all know this well in advance?

Welcome to the World of Premonitions and Precognitions.

I read somewhere on the internet many people claimed to have premonitions before big tragedies like sinking of Titanic and 9/11 WTC collapse. Many people cancelled their journey of Titanic because they foresaw this mishap. There was actually a book written a decade ago before Titanic went down in sea, that book was about a ship which sink in the ocean in it’s very first journey after clashing with an ice berg exactly the same way as Titanic, even the name of the ship was Titan in that book. Intellectuals still dismiss it calling this to be a coincident.

After the unfortunate event of 9/11, many people claimed they had premonitions about the attack. But no one claimed it before, it’s only after the attack people started calling the newspapers and social magazines offices claiming to have premonitions of the incident.

The subject as you can guess is very debatable, however, there are people and incidents I personally know and aware about which compels me to believe on it and this is the reason I am writing this article. Some people would say human mind think of probability all the time and when something which they thought actually happens, people tend to take that in amazement.

This should be true up to a certain extent because even the people I know don’t have correct premonitions all the time. I think one needs to learn to distinguish between his/her premonitions. One needs to learn to know which one is real and which one is not.

As far as proving your premonition goes, if you care at all to prove your point then science would always ask for proof. The question is how you can prove it? You can keep personal records of your premonitions but there would always be a doubt of manipulating those records.

While browsing the Google yesterday about premonitions I came across this site, it is Central Premonitions Registry. Here you can record your premonitions with date and time stamp. Be assured they would be kept confidential and would not be released for public without your permission. If you would record your premonition here and it’s comes true then at least you would not be accused of making false statements for gaining publicity and on top of it this would also help people who are researching on the most complex machine in this world, human brain.

Please feel free to drop your comments below.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Why We Should Not Use Plastic Bags?

There have been plenty of hue and cries in recent times from many people and organizations about not using plastic bags, as they are considered bad for our environment. Like many other people even I had no idea how exactly it is harmful for our environment so I went to Dr. Google and also asked few friends and colleagues of mine why we should not use plastic bags? I got information in bits and pieces which I thought of putting up here on this blog. I hope it would help people reading this blog to get some insight of what actually happens with the plastic bag when you finally throw it in the garbage.

Here are few facts about plastic bag you might already be aware of:-

1) A plastic bag once manufactured would take minimum 400 to maximum 1,000 years to vanish.

2) More than 100,000 sea birds and marine animals get killed every year when they make a mistake of eating a plastic bag considering it to be their food. It includes dolphins; whales, turtles and other sea animals that are either choked to death after eating it or it remains in their intestine after they manage to swallow it. It causes indigestion and eventually results in a very slow and painful death.

3) All over the world 500 billion plastic bags are used in a year, which would come to 1 million every minute.

4) Approximately 60 million barrels oil is used every year to make them, which would be worth close to £3bn, still plastic bags are cheaper than paper bags but more harmful to environment.

5) Only 0.5% plastic bags are recycled due to its high recycling cost which means rest 99.5% of plastic bags eventually go in waste.

Here is the plastic bags recycle in pictures:-

You go for the shopping and bring home those cool, colorful and good looking plastic bags home. Most of the people reuse it 4 out 10 times.

However, eventually it runs out of its life and its capacity to hold stuff. So we throw it in garbage, as there plenty of people like us so you can see thousands of plastic bags at any garbage depot daily.

Like any other form of garbage these plastic bags too eventually go in a well, lake, river or ocean and keep on floating there.

Animals eat this plastic bag by mistake, assuming it to be their food. Eating plastic either chokes them to the death or if they manage to swallow it then it remain in their stomach causing indigestion and in turn death.

Plastic remains in body of Whales, dolphins and other sea animals that dies cause of swallowing it unless their body gets rotten. Once their body gets rotten completely, the plastic gets released again in water until some other sea animal mistakes it to be their food and this process would continue throughout the life of a plastic bag i.e. 400 to 1000 years.

I hope this article would help you in taking a decision, whether you want to use plastic bags or not.

Please feel free to drop your comments below.

Monday, June 15, 2009

What Women Want?

If you would have been married for a while then I am sure you would have encountered a situation when your wife is somewhat mad at you, maybe she is crying and you don’t have any clue, what the hell on this earth happened which made her upset?

Nevertheless when you ask her, she doesn’t respond with a clear answer, which means we are suppose to figure it out ourselves. Now that’s quite a task. Why does it happen with the women? Why can’t they say what they want or how we are suppose to act in certain situation or what bothers them because this would certainly make things a lot simple (at least for us).

It happened with me more than twice before and was happening with me again this morning. I wish we had some power which would let us see inside a girls mind (something like what Mel Gibson had in the movie “What Women Want”). My wife was upset and was shedding some tears once in a while. I asked her plenty of time what’s wrong? And in return I got some twisted answers. So I decided to purposely leave the home early for the sake of not dragging the issue.

In an attempt to figure it out why it happens with us. I asked this question to very close female friend of mine she chuckled and replied smilingly, here are her words, “it’s not hard to understand a girl, and there are plenty of guys like you who fail to understand our emotions. You must have said or done something which she didn’t like and if you can’t figure it out what was that then you are in trouble. I would advise you to wait for some time and when the time would be right; she would eventually spit it out”. By the time she finished answering my question I was sure she would have been in similar situation with her boy friend before and she would be no different than my wife and act exactly the same way with her husband when she would get married.

I was still curious and decided to do more research on this subject so this time I thought of asking this from my mom. “Is everything okay between you two?” that was her first question after listening to me. I said, “Yeah, everything is good, it is just a routine small fight”. “I am sorry to say but you are exactly like your father, why you men don’t have brains to understand our emotions. This is not a rocket science”. This line made me realize my dad is an old member of the club I have recently joined – The Frustrated Husbands Club. I avoided talking more about it with her and left her place after sometime.

Surprisingly I still had some energy left in me now I thought of asking this from someone in male fraternity. I made a plan of meeting with an old classmate of mine in some club. He was married for past few years. We met to catch up with old times over beer. In between the conversation I asked him about it. He said, “Yeah, it happens plenty of time with me too. I don’t know and don’t pay much attention to it. Hey! Did you see that football match last week?” Clearly he had no idea and was not in mood to analyze it, so we continued with our drinks.

By the time I left the club I was drunk and knew the fact that this is not only our problem. It happened with everyone I talked to today. Now I decided to hear it directly from the horse’s mouth. I went home; she opened the door and got an idea that I was drunk. I looked straight in her eyes and said, “I don’t know what I did wrong but I love you a lot and can’t see you upset. I am sorry”. I finished my sentence. She hugged me and she was all in tears. It took a while for her to stop crying. That time I realized, its okay for guys to fail to understand their wifes and girl friends, what matters most is how much you care for them. I knew it was not a right thing to do then but still I asked her, “Sweetie, now at least tell me. What happened in the morning? Maybe it would help me to be more careful in future”. “Nothing, forget it, you would never understand”, she said while hugging me again with a throat full of tears.

We went to sleep that night with no stews. However, the mystery remains unsolved. Why women want us to understand everything without she saying a word? Is there any smart men/women who can throw some light on this :)

We would love to hear from you. Please drop your comments below.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Black Widow Spider

Black Widow Spider

I always used to be curious about Black Widow Spiders. Like most of us I also heard the stories of how someone can die if they bite and how female spider kills her male counterpart after mating, so I thought of doing some research and writing a post about them. Here we go.

Black widow spiders are popularly known for their venomous bites and female spiders killing and then eating their mate after mating. This gruesome and horrifying act has given them their name. They are also considered the most venomous species of spiders mainly in North American region. They are majorly found in warm and temperate conditions around the globe.

They usually eat insects after trapping them in their web like any other species of spiders. They have a lifespan anywhere between one to three years. They are also known as Redback spider and Katipo in Australia and New Zealand respectively. Females are capable of lying as much as seven hundred and fifty eggs and they hatch in the time span of two to four weeks. Though baby spiders are not venomous but they do eat each other.

They are very easy to recognize with their glowing black body and depending on the species different kind of red marks on the top. Female black widow is relatively easy to recognize as they have red hourglass shape beneath their abdomen.

There are couple of facts about them and many people might not be aware of it.

1) Bites are rarely fatal – Their bites are not capable of causing any serious damage. People who are bitten by them often admitted suffering from muscle pain and nausea. There are some exceptions, as bites to infants, small kids and physically weak people who have less resistance can be fatal. Black widow spider is not aggressive in behavior, likes to stay away from people and bites usually in self-defense.

2) Mating and then killing is not a hard and fast rule – It is not necessary that every time a female would kill her counterpart after mating.

Sometimes a female black widow does kill male black widow after mating, scientist have different opinions about it. Some believe because there are very less chances for a male to find another female mate, as females remain alone and mate only once in year, so his life doesn’t serve the purpose of evolution, female black widow understand this and eat him as this would increase nutrition for female which would help in increasing egg production.

Others believe it happens only when the female black widow is really hungry and she doesn’t want to miss out potential food source as all nutrition directly goes in the female body.

Do you want to share a thought? Please feel free to drop your comments.