Is she the one?

I am 28, male, software engineer from Gujarat, India. It was recently when I gave in for marriage after resisting it for years and my parents started searching a girl for me, and as expected within a few weeks they fixed my meeting with this girl who was, according to my parents, a good wife material. My parents were really impressed with her and they were repeatedly saying “the girl is very beautiful” but is it just the beauty you look for in your life partner? I knew there is a lot more one wants. So like any other educated, wise man I decided to spend some time with this girl to know her better and then take the most important decision of my life.

People who don’t know much about Indian culture and the way matrimonial things work here. Here is some insight. It is being considered taboo if you are above 25-26 and still single (however this trend is changing these days thanks to the youngsters like me). We still have a system of arrange marriages, our family looks for the suitable boy/girl, once they find someone appropriate, they usually fix the meeting of potential bride-groom and leave the final decision to them but some families don’t even allow boy and girl to meet before marriage, and the family only takes the final decision.

I could just thank the god as my family falls in former one. People from western countries may find it absurd but that’s the way things work here.

After plenty of efforts, my dad managed to get one hour of time from the girl’s family. Being a rebel I protested as I knew one hour would not be enough but eventually my parents convinced me and I decided to just go with the flow, as somewhere back in mind I knew that I always have an option of saying “No” for the marriage after meeting.

I hated the idea of girl and a boy getting very little time to know each other and decide in a single day whether they want to marry or not... I was supposed to meet this girl for few minutes and I had to tell my decision in “Yes” or “No” for the marriage.

I clearly remember that day, It had been a while I was waiting for her, dressed in my best casuals at a famous coffee house in town. My eyes were switching occasionally between the entrance and the wall clock, and whenever any good looking girl entered I stared at her expecting her to be the one I am waiting for.

After few minutes a girl in maroon top and blue jeans entered, she quickly ran her eyes at all the tables there and stopped at me, she came closer and bit nervously uttered my name "Ritesh?”. I nodded. "Hi, I am Dolly", she said while extending her hand to me.

"Hi", I said while grabbing her hand and trying to be as polite as I could.

I had a careful look at the wall clock, making sure she doesn't notice me while I am noticing the time. I don’t like late comers and she was 20-25 minutes late. It was a big turn off.

Before I could say anything, she said "Sorry for being late, actually I got stuck in traffic.”.

"That’s okay." I said.

She settled down on a chair, "Would you like to have something?" I asked trying to be a good host as I was there in that coffee shop for more than last 30 minutes.

"Coffee would be okay." she said after a brief pause. I called the waiter and ordered two coffees.

I must say she was good looking and her maroon top was also looking good on her. “She must have got late in getting ready”, I thought, as we hardly get any traffic in town over weekends.

“So how did you recognize me?” I asked being bit surprised and also trying to start the conversation.

“Oh! Your Mom showed us your picture few days back. Usually I am not good at remembering faces but I guess this time the face was good so it wasn’t difficult to spot you.” She said with an average smile.

“Is she flirting?” A thought crossed my mind. We were meeting to decide if we are good enough for each other that too with the permission of our parents. We sure had a license to flirt and she had already started using it.

“That’s a compliment. Thanks.” I said with a big smile and red face.

We kept on talking and after beating around some bush I came to the point, “So what kind of a guy you are looking for?” I asked..

She smiled “Good looking, smart, intelligent, witty, responsible, financially secure, loving, sharing and caring, and someone who respects women.” She said very calmly. “Is she really talking about some kind of a guy or she is looking for a Superman?” Again a thought crossed my mind.

“Hmm, that sounds very bookish”, I said.

She raised her eyebrows, giving me I-mean-it kind of a look and said. “I know you don’t always get everything in life but this is what I am looking for, everyone makes compromises in life, when my time would come probably I would do the same.”
I smiled at her.

“And what kind of a girl you are looking for?” She asked.

I had no idea what should be my reply as I was already confused about this whole idea of arrange marriage. “I think there is no definition of a right girl, because you never know for what reason, where, when and how you would end up liking someone.” I seriously prayed to the god so that this answer could make some sense to her. She nodded reluctantly as if she was still trying to figure it out.

We continued talking about our life styles, social circle, habits, likes and dislikes and we didn’t realize how those couple of hours passed. “I think I should leave now, it’s been two hours.” She said with her million dollar smile.

She was leaving, “Hell! I hardly know anything about her. The amount of time we have spent together is just not enough”. I said it to my soul.

“Don’t you think we should meet again? Couple of hours is not just enough to know each other.” I said.

“I wish we could, but you know how things work in our families.” She said.

“Yeah I know and it looks very impossible to me to take some decision based on this two hour meeting.” I said in a matter of fact tone.

“I understand and there are many people like us who find it difficult or impossible to take this crucial decision of their life. And trust me it’s very normal. Whatever you decide, just be hundred percent sure about that else don’t go for it”. She was still smiling and she was still looking very beautiful.

We bid goodbye to each other. We both knew as soon as we would reach home we had to tell our decision to our parents. Thoughts were playing soccer in my mind while I was driving back home. I had a good time with her I had no doubt about it but marriage. I felt saying “Yes” for the marriage would be like rushing into the things and on top of it all, her last words, “Be hundred percent sure else don’t go for it” were hammering in my mind.

I didn’t realize when I reached home. Very soon I was surrounded by my family, everyone was curious to know if we liked each other. I was silent as I didn’t know what to speak. After plenty of grilling I told them about the confused state of my mind. “I think the girl is just perfect for you.” said my Mom. “Yeah she would be just perfect for you” echoed my sister. And before I could blink my eyes, they all were convincing me.

There was no way I could give in front of them. I got up and started climbing the stairs towards my room. “What should we tell them?” asked my Mom.

“I don’t know. I am confused.” I replied while closing the door of my room.

“But we have to tell them something.” She shouted as her voice trailed off and those were the last few words I heard that night.. After closing the door, I hit the bed without changing into my night clothes and went to sound sleep.

It’s been close to eight months now. Today I look back in retrospect, get amuse and still think it was a difficult decision for me to make. No doubts things are looking good now in my life, but memories of that day is still fresh in my mind and probably it would always remain the same because one never forgets his very first date with his beloved wife.

Why do people cheat or dont cheat on their partner?

It all started with a weird (or I may call It wonderful) dream a close friend of mine had around a week back. He told me immediately the next morning that he saw himself resisting on his own bed to two of his female colleagues in an unacceptable condition (at least for his wife). So what is the big deal, it’s common for guys to see such things in dream - I said. “Yeah, it is but how many guys out there would tell this dream to their wives?” he said.

No marks for guessing, he narrated this dream to his wife.

“WHAT? I screamed, “So, how she took it?” “She was fine, didn’t react but in the end she asked me a question, if you ever get a full proof chance, would you cheat on me?” He said. “And what was your reply?” I asked with full curiosity and smile on my face. “Of course I would not, I mean if I was not ready to do this even in my dream forget about reality” he continued with his calm voice “but she said I don’t trust you. And I am finding it disappointing.”
“But I hope you know whose fault is this?” I said. “Yeah, I know it’s me I should have not told her anything about the dream at the first place”. We had a laugh on it and went back to our work.

However, it gave me some food for thought. What makes one not cheat on his/her partner despite of knowing the fact that their partner would never come to know about the entire episode? I think it is undoubtedly a true love between two individuals.

There are very few people out there who would not get indulge with someone else being in a committed relationship and it is also true that there are very few people out there who find true love in their life. Conscience of the people who genuinely feel that they are blessed to find their partner, who believe there is no one better out there would never cheat, no matter what or I should say they would never feel a need to cheat because they are so happy with what life has given them.

It can be subjective at times because more often we hear an argument like, “We all are humans, and humans make mistake”. What if, your partner loves you a lot but has cheated on you just once. Would you able to forgive him/her? This was exactly the questions one anchor was asking on a talk show some time back in television. And to my surprise over 90% of people on the show including men and women said, they would forgive their partner if they are assured it would not happen again and he/she is really repenting.

This debate is never ending very relationship is unique and every situation in it can have many permutations and combination. I have personally witnessed people full of misery and pain when they find out about the infidelity of their partner. A word of advice, in a situation like this, It is you who should take a final decision rather than leaving the matter to friends or family to decide, because no one can judge your relationship and emotions better than you and even if down the line you realize that you took a wrong decision, you would not be blaming someone else for it.

What Women Want?

If you would have been married for a while then I am sure you would have encountered a situation when your wife is somewhat mad at you, maybe she is crying and you don’t have any clue, what the hell on this earth happened which made her upset?

Nevertheless when you ask her, she doesn’t respond with a clear answer, which means we are suppose to figure it out ourselves. Now that’s quite a task. Why does it happen with the women? Why can’t they say what they want or how we are suppose to act in certain situation or what bothers them because this would certainly make things a lot simple (at least for us).

It happened with me more than twice before and was happening with me again this morning. I wish we had some power which would let us see inside a girls mind (something like what Mel Gibson had in the movie “What Women Want”). My wife was upset and was shedding some tears once in a while. I asked her plenty of time what’s wrong? And in return I got some twisted answers. So I decided to purposely leave the home early for the sake of not dragging the issue.

In an attempt to figure it out why it happens with us. I asked this question to very close female friend of mine she chuckled and replied smilingly, here are her words, “it’s not hard to understand a girl, and there are plenty of guys like you who fail to understand our emotions. You must have said or done something which she didn’t like and if you can’t figure it out what was that then you are in trouble. I would advise you to wait for some time and when the time would be right; she would eventually spit it out”. By the time she finished answering my question I was sure she would have been in similar situation with her boy friend before and she would be no different than my wife and act exactly the same way with her husband when she would get married.

I was still curious and decided to do more research on this subject so this time I thought of asking this from my mom. “Is everything okay between you two?” that was her first question after listening to me. I said, “Yeah, everything is good, it is just a routine small fight”. “I am sorry to say but you are exactly like your father, why you men don’t have brains to understand our emotions. This is not a rocket science”. This line made me realize my dad is an old member of the club I have recently joined – The Frustrated Husbands Club. I avoided talking more about it with her and left her place after sometime.

Surprisingly I still had some energy left in me now I thought of asking this from someone in male fraternity. I made a plan of meeting with an old classmate of mine in some club. He was married for past few years. We met to catch up with old times over beer. In between the conversation I asked him about it. He said, “Yeah, it happens plenty of time with me too. I don’t know and don’t pay much attention to it. Hey! Did you see that football match last week?” Clearly he had no idea and was not in mood to analyze it, so we continued with our drinks.

By the time I left the club I was drunk and knew the fact that this is not only our problem. It happened with everyone I talked to today. Now I decided to hear it directly from the horse’s mouth. I went home; she opened the door and got an idea that I was drunk. I looked straight in her eyes and said, “I don’t know what I did wrong but I love you a lot and can’t see you upset. I am sorry”. I finished my sentence. She hugged me and she was all in tears. It took a while for her to stop crying. That time I realized, its okay for guys to fail to understand their wifes and girl friends, what matters most is how much you care for them. I knew it was not a right thing to do then but still I asked her, “Sweetie, now at least tell me. What happened in the morning? Maybe it would help me to be more careful in future”. “Nothing, forget it, you would never understand”, she said while hugging me again with a throat full of tears.

We went to sleep that night with no stews. However, the mystery remains unsolved. Why women want us to understand everything without she saying a word? Is there any smart men/women who can throw some light on this :)

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